by Sarah Statz Cords
So we thought it might be a good time of year for these questions: Do you like receiving books as gifts? Do you like giving books as gifts?
I myself am an emphatic “YES!” for both questions. So it surprised me last week to talk with a friend and discover that she is not overly fond of receiving books as gifts. Although she recognized the good intention behind book gifts, she felt that being given a book (especially by someone she didn’t know very well) often felt like she was being given a reading assignment–and as any high schooler can tell you, nobody likes an assigned book.
Personally, I always think of a book gift as entertaining me twice–once when I read it (if and when I get to it), and again when I add it to my bookshelf of “gift books” and try to figure out why the person chose it. The message behind my mother-in-law’s gift of The Young Homemaker’s Guide is pretty clear, but what did it mean, all those years ago, when a friend of mine (who I had a crush on, at the time) gave me Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude for no reason at all? Likewise, I love to give books because book-shopping is really the only kind of shopping I am good at. Put me in a department store, and I couldn’t find the kids’ department to save my life. But drop me in a Border’s anywhere and I can sniff out the William Langewiesche* books like a nonfiction bloodhound.
All of that said, perhaps what we really need is some Rules for Book Givers. (We’re not first with this idea; Michael Dirda wrote an article in 2008 on The 10 Commandments of Book Giving.) I can really only think of five main rules. Can you suggest any more?
1. Only give books to people you know very well, or whom you want to know very well.**
2. Don’t just give books YOU love, give books you think others might love. Ideally, a book gift should be both.
3. Once you give a book, let it go. If the recipient loves the book, they’ll let you know when they’re ready to talk about it.
4. If you know someone who’s a believer in “buying local,” buy their book at a local indie bookseller, and don’t be afraid to put a bookmark in it from the store.
5. Don’t be afraid to use library staff and readers’ advisors as your personal shoppers! Describe what your friend typically reads to a readers’ advisor and see what they suggest.
*I love William Langewiesche, and often give his books to my oldest brother. I’m pretty sure he likes them; he usually calls a week or so after receiving them and says, “Hey, that was quite a book…I couldn’t stop reading it last night!” Best response to a book gift ever.
**Come on. Is there anything more romantic than receiving a book from a love interest?
Christina,
Oh, my heart goes out to anyone who ever wanted books and got clothes! Ugh! Books: accept no (gift) substitute.
See? Great story about “The Hunger Games.” I firmly believe loving a book is almost as much a matter of timing as it is of anything else, and that is a perfect case in point. That’s why I don’t ask people about books I’ve given them–I don’t want them to feel they’re on a schedule.
I am a huge, huge fan of gift cards of any sort, and gift cards to bookstores are the best. Nothing is better than waltzing into a bookstore and picking out whatever you want with a gift card. When I get gifts like that I save them for down days and use them as a treat. Asking for the gift receipt is a GREAT tip too; makes sense that some bookstores would allow for exchange, since it’s such a retail standard. Thanks for all the great suggestions!
When giving books as gifts, it also doesn’t hurt to ask if you can have a gift receipt. Some booksellers will allow the return of books that haven’t been read. That way if the recipient in the meantime has purchased the book or would rather have something else they can return it. Our local bookstore allowed me to exchange a book I purchased for my dad for another he was more interested in.
Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble allow for return and exchange of books.
As a girl I always wanted books as gifts but my parents always preferred to give me clothing instead. My sister and other relatives have given me books as gifts and I usually enjoy them, especially when chosen off my Amazon.com wishlist. I like to give books only if I think they would be enjoyed by the recipient. Last Christmas I gave my sister a copy of The Hunger Games which I loved and thought she would like. She tried reading it and couldn’t get into it so it sat on her bookshelf unread until last month. She said she was bored one day and decided to give it a try and ended up loving it so much that she rushed to the bookstore to buy Catching Fire.
I have received some strange books as gifts however. The worst was one on singleness and basically “what to do while you are waiting for Mr. Right to come along”. The funny thing was that I’d previously had a conversation with the friend who gave it to me about how happy and content I am as a single woman. I guess she interpreted the conversation somewhat differently!
What do you think about gift cards to book stores instead? Those are my favorite gifts to receive!
Melanie,
I too LOVE to get books (especially when the alternatives including questionable cardigans with snowmen or bird patterns) and never mind getting them. It does seem odd that people would stop giving you books when you became a librarian (isn’t that a signal, usually, that you like to read?) but you’re right, maybe they figure you don’t want to take your work home with you, or you would be too “discerning” to enjoy whatever book they might choose. I myself have the idea that fewer people are reading, and are therefore as uncomfortable in a bookstore as I am in any kind of other store.
Venta,
Yes, I do believe you have to let your book choices go, and accept it even if they aren’t enjoyed. I’m so glad your brother-in-law tells you what he DOESN’T like–that indicates a degree of comfort and friendship, doesn’t it? And I firmly believe that hearing what people don’t like is a good way to start learning what they do, so maybe that info helps you find him more enjoyable books.
The “be careful with humor” rule is excellent. I might also add to that, don’t buy a book solely for its kitsch or title value–when I think of all the copies of Harry Frankfurt’s “On Bullshit” that sold as gag gifts (I really didn’t think it was a very good or interesting book myself), I just get sad.
BTW, FU Penguin? Hi-larious.
Every Christmas I give my brother-in-law a book. He likes sports and history, so finding something is easy. What I once found irritating, but now find very endearing, is that he will tell me when he didn’t like a book I gave him. At one time it hurt my feelings, but now I’m fascinated by his reasons for not liking the book.
Another possible rule: Be careful with humor. I have a fairly adolescent sense of humor, so I love FU Penguin, but I’m not sure my sisters or brother, who have kids, would find it appropriate.
Me – nothing makes me happier than getting books as gifts. Sometimes I’m surprised especially when I receive books by Kristin Hannah or Jodi Picoult. I read them, and I appreciate the thought, but I wonder.
I would love for my friends and family to give me books. I don’t know if they are intimidated by the fact that I have a whole library to read from, or if there is another reason. We always used to get books when we were kids, but when I became a librarian they stopped giving me books. It’s fun to figure out why a person gives a certain book. When I get ARCs or other free books I love deciding the right person to give them to.